I heard Hannah and Gracie singing ring around the rosy the other day while playing outside in the back yard and the last part of the song "Life is But a Dream" really disturbed me or made me ponder life....You know the Bible tells us that life is but a vapor, that it appears for a little while and vanishes away...This odd part of the song "ring around the rosy" is just another way of saying life isn't forever and that there is an eternity...Isn't it strange how a random song can speak to your heart and nudge your soul?
This past week I have been writing a poem/song. It came to me while I was waiting in the car line at school the other day, about this very subject; making it through this dream we call life and just getting by...I don't want to just get by anymore. I began to think about how I have been just passing through each day and just getting by. I haven't been really motivated to do much of anything and feeling sort of like the zombie mommy, methodically rowing through my existence on this river called life. I walk through each day beating myself over the head for not being a good enough mother, wife, daughter, friend and most importantly child of God. I wake up so many days with a big UGH and roll over and throw my covers over my head and say to myself "another day: BLAH" or "here we go again." I robotically roll out of bed, stomp up the stairs, get the girls up and ready for school, make their breakfast, kiss them bye and start over with our son Hayden and the same ritual. I run after him picking up his toys or refolding the laundry because he messed it up. Then comes the grocery store days, girls i don't even want to talk about it! I workout about everyday and for the most part I love it, but sometimes I find myself wondering: Why on earth am I doing this to myself? Then I remember; oh yeah I kill myself at the gym because I don't want diabetes at 40 and heart failure at 50. Working out is no longer about staying in my size 4/6 jeans. Trust me i'd rather be home eating brownies and wearing oversized jogging pants with major elastic in the waist area, but for some crazy reason I want to live long enough to enjoy my life well into my old age. I find myself pondering why again. Why do I want to live through this dream any longer than I have too; because most days are just like the movie: "Ground Hog Day." I feel like it is the same day over and over and over again and then suddenly I come to my senses and my little son who just came into the world is turning two. My little girls who were dressing up like little princesses and having tea parties with me here at home are now in school and the tea parties and dress up sessions are getting fewer and far between. My husband suddenly has grey hairs and I look in the mirror and see laugh lines and crows feet began to form. All this happened while I was mechanically making it through each day! The saddest thing to me is I had these little beautiful roses (moments) in my life and I didn't stop and savor their beauty or breath them in. I was too rushed, too bored, too consumed with my dream that I was living in to stop and see that life was happening all around me. I was too busy feeling numb to myself and the world to realize the awesome beauty of God's wonderful grace and creation that wrapped itself around my life. Beauty so wonderful that has I come to my senses this perfection reminds me of notes on a staff that makes music which soothes the soul. I don't want to wake up in heaven one day from my dream and realize that "I just got by." I want live life to it's fullest, breath each moment, each hug from my children and each touch from my love. I want to know that I didn't live a life of just getting by, but that I stood tall when the winds of change slapped my face. I rose up and took a stand for the cause of Christ. That I gave when my flesh wanted to take and loved when I wanted to turn away. I want to know that every time I fall from my mistakes and blunders that I got back up, dusted myself off and stood taller and stronger then the time before because of Christ and His strength in my life. I want to be able to look back and say; I gave, I surrendered, I fought, I loved, I cried, I laughed, I felt hurt and happiness and I am and I was and I always will be a child of the most high God....
Yes, this life is a dream, but as a Christ follower we can be awakened and smell the roses and breath them in, plant more seeds and keep the growing, fed and watered. Don't let life pass you by. Wake up and smell the roses! They are breathtaking :)!
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