What is written below is my prayer to God in a Storm I am facing Inwardly. I call it the "quitting storm"
Jesus you said, "Don't be weary in your well doing", but I find it so easy sometimes to be super weary. There is NO doubt in my mind that Ridge Pointe is Your thing...I have seen You take nothing and make something out of it and I have seen more people's lives changed in the past couple of years than in my entire life...and here is the BUT...
I am just plain tired Lord, This "Overwhelming Calling".has got me down...First and foremost my calling to God..Yes it is so rewarding, but so hard and sometimes i just wish I could step out of it and just take a seat as a normal (LOL) church goer, give as little in the offering as i possibly can ( if i feel like it) comes to church "if" i feel like it...Takes a break from church when I feel Like it... I would love to get to be the one who doesnt have to here the complaints and riducule and the super annoying excuses that people give us pastors wives and you (ROLLING MY EYES) uggg i could soo seriously do without that and I am so sure you could too...Or I would love to be the one that hasn't felt a financial pinch because of all that has been giving for this cause we so fervently believe in....I would not care what people thought of me, or of my family and my truth would be understood and not misrepresented. I am tired of being afraid of hurting someone's feelings and making them mad because they might leave the church or saying something i might not have said a the right time...I am tired of getting blessed by you Lord and not enjoying your blessing and left feeling like people might say "well that pastor is doing good he doen't need any tithe to come in he can carry a house and nice cars then he can carry and entire church......I am tired of defending my role in my home as a stay at home mother to my children and my help mate to my pastor...I wanna know that is what you have called me too and stand in that and ROCK it out of the park!
God Root out my hurt and bitterness, take away my fear of the known and unknown, purge my heart and ease my mind...Help me to have a holy heart after you and to stand in the midst of my pain and anger and uncertainty of this Calling in to your ministry as a Women of God, A Pastor's Wife and As a Beautiful mother to My 3 amazing children and to realize the YOU are in control....Help me to remember even in my state of complete dismay that
I am a beautiful, strong and passionate women who Loves her Lord more than her very breath...I would sacrifice my life for the cause of My Sweet Jesus, But my soul is delicate and fragile which has transformed me into this tired and beat down soul how wants to crawl up in a nice big fluffy bed, pull the covers over my head and say good night Ridge Pointe Church GOOD NIGHT to all the churches before ridge pointe and good night to a sad but painful past......
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